Being diagnosed with cancer can change your relationships.
Your family and friends are going to have a lot of different reactions.
People may not always know what to say ... or even how they feel.
And that can put extra strain on relationships.
But over time ... some of your relationships may grow deeper too.
"This has been tough for my whole family.
My oldest kid, Sam, he'd joke around when he came to visit.
But he never liked talking about my cancer.
And he hardly ever came to the hospital.
But the times he did come ... I told him it meant a lot.
I just didn't have the energy to take care of stuff around the house ...
so most of that work fell to my wife ... the bills, the housework.
My daughter shifted her schedule around to help out ...
cooking dinners a few nights a week. It's been an adjustment.
Me and Patricia ... Married thirty-one years. And we're closer than we've ever been.
When I first got the diagnosis, I think she blamed me in some ways.
I hadn't taken the best care of myself ... going back to smoking.
She was angry ... and pretty scared.
It would come gushing out ... arguing over little things.
And then there were my friends.
Some were like a rock in my life ... others drifted away.
Like my motorcycle buddy ... Ben.
After I was diagnosed, he didn't come around as much. Didn't call.
I figure some people just need time.
His dad died of cancer a few years ago ... I know that's still hard for him.
It's hard for both of us to bring it up."
Your friends and loved ones care about you.
And they may be worried about you ... or even afraid for their own health.
They may not know how to support you ...
so some people may give unwanted advice ...
or even say the wrong thing without realizing it.
It's all right to ask for what you need ... whether it's comforting words, honesty, or hearing about their lives instead of focusing on your cancer.
Be open and honest with them.
And be open to ways your relationships can grow deeper during this time.
"I asked Sam to come to my doctor visits with me.
It's given him a chance to open up ... just talking about my treatment.
Doing these visits together ... somehow ...
it makes things a little less scary for both of us.
Patricia and I are spending more time together. She's not so angry anymore.
And we're trying to live for today ... getting out more ... seeing the kids.
I've made new friends too ... other guys going through treatment.
Sometimes we just talk about fishing or sports. We understand each other, too.
You can't explain everything you're feeling to someone who hasn't had cancer.
And with old friends like Ben ...
I just look for those times when you both feel ready to talk about it.
Just be as honest as you can. We've been working on my bike again.
I think we'll be back on the road soon."
