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Your Teen's Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity

Topic Overview

Teens want an answer to the eternal question, "Who am I?" Part of the answer lies in their sexual self. The teen years can be a confusing time. Hormones, cultural and peer pressures, and fear of being different can cause many teens to question themselves in many areas, including their sexual orientation and gender identity.

Sexual orientation is how you are attracted romantically and sexually to other people—to the same sex, to the other sex, or to both sexes. This attraction typically starts to form in the preteen years.

Gender identity is different. It's your internal sense of whether you are male or female.

Sexual orientation

During the teen years, same-sex "crushes" are common. Some teens may experiment sexually. But these early experiences do not always mean that a teen will be gay, lesbian, or bisexual as an adult.

For some teens, though, same-sex attractions do not fade. They grow stronger.

Gender identity

For some people, their gender identity does not match their physical body. Their body is male or female, but inside they feel they are really the opposite sex. People who feel this way often refer to themselves as "transgender."

Children form their gender identity early. Most children believe firmly by the age of 3 that they are either girls or boys.

The feeling that something is different may also begin early in life. Many transgender adults remember feeling a difference between their bodies and what they felt inside at a young age, well before their teen years. Others did not feel this way until much later in life.

Love and support are key

Many parents have a hard time accepting that their child may be gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender. Even if you are struggling with this possibility, remember the importance of showing unconditional love to your child.

Teens who realize that they are lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender sometimes stay "in the closet" (do not reveal their sexual orientation or gender identity) for a long time because they are afraid of what their friends, family, and others will say and do. This can be very stressful and can cause depression, anxiety, and other problems.

Many teens feel relief when they come out of the closet and find love, support, and acceptance from parents, friends, and others. Unfortunately, some find that their fears come true.

Young people who are gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender are at risk for:

  • Being shamed by society (social stigma).
  • Being shut out or excluded by peers and family members.
  • Depression.
  • Suicide.

When teens have problems related to being gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender, it isn't because of their sexual orientation or gender identity. It's usually because of a lack of support from the people they love or because they have been or are being ridiculed, rejected, or harassed.

Your teen can be emotionally healthy and happy regardless of whether he or she is heterosexual, bisexual, homosexual, or transgender.

If you or other family members are having a hard time accepting a child's sexual orientation or gender identity, organizations such as Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) may be helpful.

Other Places To Get Help

Organizations

American Psychological Association
750 First Street NE
Washington, DC  20002-4242
Phone: 1-800-374-2721
(202) 336-5500
TDD: (202) 336-6123
Web Address: www.apa.org
 

The American Psychological Association provides information and brochures on a number of topics, including stress, anxiety, and depression. Visit www.apa.org/helpcenter for information on the mind/body connection, family and relationships, and how therapy works.


Family Equality Council
P.O. Box 206
Boston, MA 02133
Phone: (617) 502-8700
Fax: (617) 502-8701
Email: info@familyequality.org
Web Address: www.familyequality.org
 

Family Equality Council works to ensure equality for families with gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender members. Parenting protections, adoption, health insurance reform, safe schools, and workplace equality are some of the many issues the organization works on. Its website includes news updates and resources for families.


GLBT National Help Center
2261 Market Street, PMB 296
San Francisco, CA 94114
Phone: (415) 355-0003 office
Phone: 1-888-843-4564 national hotline
Phone: 1-800-246-7743 youth talkline
Fax: (415) 552-5498
Email: info@GLBTNationalHelpCenter.org
Web Address: www.glnh.org
 

The GLBT National Help Center provides free and confidential support for gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people and for those with questions about sexual orientation and/or gender identity. The organization offers information about GLBT issues, safer-sex info, and local resources for cities and towns across the country, as well as peer counseling for people going through a difficult time.


Healthy Minds. Healthy Lives.American Psychiatric Association
1000
Wilson Boulevard
1825
Arlington, VA 22209
Phone: 1-888-35-PSYCH
Email: apa@psych.org
Web Address: www.healthyminds.org
 

This online resource is provided by the American Psychiatric Association for anyone seeking mental health information. It includes information on many common mental health concerns, including warning signs of mental disorders, treatment options, and preventive measures.


PFLAG (Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays)
1828 L Street NW
Suite 660
Washington, DC 20036
Phone: (202) 467-8180
Fax: (202) 349-0788
Email: info@pflag.org
Web Address: www.pflag.org
 

PFLAG is a support, education, and advocacy organization for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people and their families, friends, and allies. PFLAG is a nonprofit organization and is not affiliated with any religious or political institutions. On the website you can find information about local chapters, advocacy issues, and more.


References

Other Works Consulted

  • American Psychological Association (2008). Answers to Your Questions: For a Better Understanding of Sexual Orientation and Homosexuality. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association. Available online: http://www.apa.org/topics/sexuality/orientation.aspx.
  • APA Committee on Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Concerns (2011). Answers to Your Questions About Transgender Individuals and Gender Identity. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association. Available online: http://www.apa.org/topics/sexuality/transgender.aspx.
  • Biggs WS (2011). Medical human sexuality. In RE Rakel, DP Rakel, eds., Textbook of Family Medicine, 8th ed., pp. 1000–1012. Philadelphia: Saunders.
  • Cromer B, et al. (2011). Adolescent development. In RM Kliegman et al., eds., Nelson Textbook of Pediatrics, 19th ed., pp. 649–659. Philadelphia: Saunders.
  • Hillman JB, Spigarelli MG (2009). Sexuality: Its development and direction. In WB Carey et al., eds., Developmental-Behavioral Pediatrics, 4th ed., pp. 415–425. Philadelphia: Saunders Elsevier.
  • Sadock VA (2009). Normal human sexuality and sexual and gender identity disorders. In BJ Sadock et al., eds., Kaplan and Sadock’s Comprehensive Textbook of Psychiatry, 9th ed., vol. 1, pp. 2027–2060. Philadelphia: Lippincott Williams and Wilkins.
  • Sass AE, Kaplan DW (2011). Adolescence. In WW Hay et al., eds., Current Diagnosis and Treatment: Pediatrics, 20th ed., pp. 104–144. New York: McGraw-Hill.
  • Zucker KJ (2011). Gender identity and sexual behavior. In CD Rudolph et al., eds., Rudolph's Pediatrics, 22nd ed., pp. 346–348. New York: McGraw-Hill.

Credits

By Healthwise Staff
Primary Medical Reviewer Adam Husney, MD - Family Medicine
Specialist Medical Reviewer A. Evan Eyler, MD, MPH - Family Medicine, Psychiatry
Last Revised October 25, 2012

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